My beautiful creature,
It's... Been a while. It's been aa while because I though we don't need this anymore. Because we talk every night. Because I almost kiss you to sleep.
Because... It's just... I don't know.
I don't know what it is.
You tell me.
Tell me and then maybe, maybe I can make sense of it, because after almost a year I still don't.
I don't know what, who we are to each other.
We're not lovers.
We're not strangers.
We're not friends.
Well, we are that, but... A smidge, big smidge above that.
If God would know what I'd like to do to you he'd send me to hell. Friends don't do that to friends.
I want to pull on your beard. To inhale, to worship, suck, lick, adore all of you.
Would it be bad if I said I'd like to lick your wounds when we sit down for dinner?
I think...
I think we're both lost. Or we're just finding our footing.
Can't be together. Can't be apart.
God....
All the unholy things I'd do to you... Do not even compare for the desire for your happiness. It means nothing, nothing at all, if there's none of your smile somewhere out there.
I don't care if I'm not around.
Believe me, I do not.
If it means that you're happy... I'd be fucking glad to do it.
And I know it sounds cruel. I know it's bonkers. Just like I am, all the time. But honestly... That's the only thing that matters.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Always.
And I know you feel like you don't deserve that. But fuck you. Honestly.
This time, this one time, the only time in my life...
I'm not afraid to say that I know better.
And even if you shush me, if you curse me, if you tell me to shut up... This is the one thing, the only thing I want to ring in the silence between us.
Be happy.
Whatever, however much it costs you.
Be happy, because you bloody deserve it.
I'll save my lusty ramblings for another time, but...
You know.
You have to know my dear. Even if it's the 3 pints of your hated cider in me talking.
Even if it falls like the water of a ducks back.
Even if it's like peas thrown against the wall, as we say where I'm from when we want to illustrate that whatever we do means nothing, nothing at all.
Just... Know.
And you know I'll be with you, in every step along the way.
Because you, you my beautiful creature, are worth it.
And you, deep down, know it as well.