My beautiful, beautiful creature,
You made me cry. You really did. I could try to emit this or wrap it in weird linguistic constructions, but the fact is that I wept. Because of you.
How are you so kind? How is it that you see me so well? How come my fears and these long and wordy worries don't scare you?
I read and read what you wrote to me. Over and over. And somehow the tiny, scared, weak me became some sort of a cocoon. An atom suddenly floating in this strange, wast calm.
How is it that you see me so well?
The only thing that bugged me - and will keep bugging me - is that you expect to get hurt. Destroyed. Abused. Burned. Tossed away.
My dear... I have nothing at all to give you except two things - things that I guarded more than anything else in this wolrd, even when everything around me was incredibly dark and painful.
Love and care.
That's all I truly have.
I do not know how to hurt people. I can't. I'd rather hurt myself than let anything bad, anything at all happen to you. I will not let you run with your clunky knees, nor crawl, nor stand there all bruised and raw in the ashes of whatever the fuck was burning. And if you do get hurt, even if just a little bit, I'll patch you up. From the moment you opened this - this weird Pandora's box of inconvenience and confusion - you released a genie that's probably pretty average, but one that you won't be able to shake. You gained a familiar.
Because you know. I know. We both know.
- - - - - - -
Don't feel bad about what happened. Don't. Because I don't think I do, even though I wrote a whole rant about it. I know that the rational part in me is running on walls and launching pieces of guilt filled poop bombs straight to my face. And maybe it's right to do so. But it took two people to do what has been done.
I think we both wanted that, needed that. Desperately.
Do not apologise for it. I won't either.
We're on the same level. Same wavelength.
I remember stopping for a moment - right in the middle - and apologising to you. Trying to say all the right, just things, stop things.
And then I got angry.
I got really angry.
And then I unleashed myself on you. Or at least a tiny part that I could show you.
So dont you dare judge yourself.
It took two people for that to happen.
And it seems that none of them have any regrets.